Specifications

Page 2
ROM August — September 2007
CONTACT
DETAILS
If you have any queries or
questions about the Guildford PC
User Group and its activities please
contact the following members of
the committee:
Chairman
(Position Currently Vacant —
contact Tony Hawes for info)
Secretary & Public Relations
Bryce McCrirrick
Surrey Place,
5 Coach House Gardens,
FLEET, GU51 4QX
Tel: [phone]
e-mail: [e-mail]
Treasurer
Francis Jacques
“Sampford”, Elmstead Road,
WEST BYFLEET, KT14 6BJ
Tel: [phone]
e-mail: [e-mail]
Web Master
Laurence Fenn
84 St George’s Road,
ALDERSHOT, GU12 4LJ
Tel: [phone]
e-mail: [e-mail]
Laurence’s Web Page:
http://www.orchardoo.com
(this site contains many of the
reviews that have appeared in
ROM)
Group Web Page:
www.guildfordpcusergroup.co.uk
Meeting Room Key Holder
Tony Hawes
Details below
EDITOR
Tony Hawes
25 Folly Close, FLEET, GU52 7LN
Tel: [phone]
Fax: [phone]
Mobile: [phone]
e-mail: [e-mail]
cattle, said almost without exception that they
were envious of farmers with infected cattle
who had had their herds slaughtered and re-
ceived mega-bucks compensation. So I was
amused by this letter that has been doing the
rounds about the anomalies of agricultural com-
pensation — read on.
Letter to Secretary of State
Copy of a letter sent by a friend to Hilary
Benn MP, the newly appointed Secretary of
State of the Department for Environment, Food
and Rural Affairs (Defra).
Rt Hon Hilary Benn MP
The Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural
Affairs (Defra),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR
12
th
August 2007
Dear Secretary of State,
First may I congratulate you on being ap-
pointed as Secretary of State to the Department
for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
(Defra) in the new prime minister’s latest gov-
ernment re-shuffle.
I would be grateful for your advice. I have a
friend, who is in farming at the moment, who
recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the
Rural Payments Agency for the laudable activ-
ity of not rearing pigs. Hearing how successful
he is I consider I would be an ideal candidate
for the ‘not rearing pigs’ business. My current
profession is as a consultant underwater fire-
fighter, but as you will doubtless know from
government statistics, the UK’s North Sea oil
and gas wells are running dry, which means that
the underwater fire-fighting business is in de-
cline meaning there is consequent reduction in
underwater fires — or at least not enough of
them to keep me fully and gainfully employed.
So the present is now an opportune time to
think about a change in direction where my
business activities will be of more benefit to our
country.
To continue — the prime minister has obvi-
ously appointed you to the post of Secretary of
State based on your expertise in your new de-
partments’ various functions, so given your
undoubted knowledge as the top man in Defra,
may I ask what in your opinion is the best kind
of farm on what not to rear pigs and which is
the best breed of pig not to rear? I want to be
sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with
all government policies as laid down by your
department and as directed by the European
Union under the Common Agricultural Policy.
Personally I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs,
but if this is the type you don’t want not to be
reared, please suggest an alternative. I also
wonder whether there are any advantages in not
rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or
Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many
people, such as conservationists, who have
(Continued from page 1)
already cornered the market in not raising rare breeds
of pig?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will
be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I
haven’t reared. Are there any Government or Local
Authority funded seminar’s or courses of instruction
that I could attend that would show me the skills and
“best practices” to adopt when not rearing pigs?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has
been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he
ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is until
this year, when he received a cheque for £3,000 for not
rearing any at all. Knowing that I had an interest in
farming and knowing that my underwater fire fighting
skills were not needed so often, my friend thought it
was an opportune time for me to diversify and sug-
gested I write to you for advice.
My friend knows that although I like to call a spade
a spade I’m not the sort of person who likes to get his
hands’ dirty and he considered that not raising pigs
was an ideal introduction to modern-day farming
methods thus avoiding the need to grubby one’s hands
or worse — the thought of having to wade daily
through piles of pig excrement is something I just
couldn’t contemplate; the sight and smell is totally
against my sensibilities, to which should be added the
fact that my wife just hates me coming into the house
with my boots on. Having watched the various Vet’s
programs on TV, I am only too well aware that as a
traditional farmer when raising ‘real’ animals there is
always the possibility that I would need to enter the
house in an emergency with boots covered in pig’s
muck (to fetch pails of boiling water when the sows
are farrowing being a perfect example if TV is to be
believed), if this should happen to me, I feel sure such
activities would cause a rift in my marriage. The op-
portunity therefore of not needing to get one’s boots
mucky when not rearing pigs is an appealing and at-
tractive prospect, and in these circumstances and hav-
ing discussed the matter with the wife, we are both of
the opinion that I am ideally suited to a career in the
new and exciting ‘not raising pigs’ sector of the farm-
ing industry, hence this enquiry to you for advice.
Taking my friend’s circumstances as an example. If
I should enter the farming industry and get £3,000 for
not rearing 50 pigs, I assume that pro-rata I will get
£6,000 for not rearing 100 pigs. £6,000 seems a fair
commercial return, but before taking it further I’d like
your confirmation that this is indeed the case? Initially
I plan to operate on a small scale, restricting myself to
not raising around 4,000 pigs in my first year of opera-
tion. By not raising 4,000 pigs my calculations show
that I would be entitled to about £240,000 in the first
year. Verification from your department that my fig-
ures are correct would also be welcomed.
As I gain the necessary skills and expertise in not
rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious in future
years, perhaps increasing to, say, not rearing 40,000
pigs in my second year, for which I should expect
about £2.4 million from the department. Incidentally, I
wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable car-
bon credits for all these pigs as they will not be pro-
ducing harmful and polluting methane gases.
Another point. The pigs that I plan not to rear will I
calculate not need to eat 2,000 tonnes of cereal feed. I
understand that you also pay farmers for not growing
cereal crops. Will I qualify for payments for not grow-
ing cereals to not feed the pigs I don’t rear? I am also
considering the ‘not milking cows’ sector of the busi-
(Continued on page 3)