Specifications
JANUARY 2005 MAXIMUMPC 63
10 fabulous letters from our gentle audience
MISTAKES WERE MADE
“Any magazine stupid enough
to pour two gallons of gasoline
on a dozen Durafl ame logs,
expecting to put out the
resulting confl agration with a
20 pound fi re extinguisher has
my vote!”
Larry Burwell, January 1997
WE HOPE HE LIVES
ALONE
“In this unholy and wretched
world we call ‘society,’ the only
real sense of peace is when I
sit at my blessed computer and
start slashing away.” Jethro
Bodean, March 1997
ANGRY QUAKER
“DirectX sucks! Mr. Gates
should take heed. After all, it’s
one thing to piss off users, but
it’s quite another to piss off
Quakers!”
Matt Livingstone, May 1997
THANKS, TOOTS!
“Comparing computer speeds
and feeds to women’s physical
appearances is insulting and
derogatory. It is also a bit sick
to think that your readers
fi nd computers sensuous and
‘incredibly desirable.’”
Lisa Howe, June 1998
ANOTHER ANGRY
QUAKER
“I pray that you will reconstruct
your magazine into one
that does not go against the
principles in the Holy Bible.”
Jethro, January 1999
INDEED, THEY
WOULDN’T
“I don’t fi nd any humor in your
article regarding the [alternate]
uses of a G4 Cube. You will
never fi nd a Mac person taking
a PC apart to show uses other
than what it was intended for.”
Lani, December 2000
LIKE GIGLI?
“Several times, I have caught
my dad visiting certain Internet
sites and downloading certain
movies that he shouldn’t. Both
my mom and I are very worried
about him, his marriage, and
our family. I was wondering,
what is the best fi ltering
software out there?”
Name withheld, October 2000
NO REFUNDS
“Your magazine is a fetter/to
this great life of mine/and the
only thing better/at wasting my
time/is writing this letter/for
a lousy 7.99!/Return my hard-
earned cash/from your ill-gotten
stash!”
Anonymous, August 2001
BLATANTLY AND
UNDENIABLY GEEKY
“[In a previous issue], Gordon
Ung tells a reader that in “Star
Trek OG’ the command staff
wears gold, and concludes
that ‘in the fi rst six movies,
everyone just wears red.’ That
is blatantly and undeniably
wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
In the very fi rst Star Trek movie,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture,
everyone wore rather form-
fi tting white and gray.” Tao Tan,
April 2001
BUT ARE WE
“SENSUOUS”
AND “INCREDIBLY
DESIRABLE”?
“I don’t savor each issue of
Maximum PC like the last
bite of dessert for its mere
ingredients. It’s the fl avor—the
style—the incredible wit and
charm you guys mix into every
issue that brings a tear to my
eye as I read the fi nal words of
‘Rig of the Month’ and realize
my ice cream is all fi nished!”
Mojo, April 2003
readers
respond
!
@
The biggest regrets from the Lab
FUN
GO-L COMPUTERS
(JANUARY 2004)
“Too good to be true?”
That’s what we asked about
the advertised specs of
Go-L Computers’ PCs and
laptops. We got our answer
in November 2004 when
the company folded before
we managed to fi nd a
single credible testimonial
from anyone who actually
succeeded in buying a Go-L
machine.
HALF-LIFE 2—Game
of the Year! (AUGUST,
2003)
MATROX PARHELIA
(JULY 2002)
Triple-monitor “surround”
gaming... It all seemed so
sweet. For a second.
MULTILEVEL CD
TECHNOLOGY
(SEPTEMBER 2001)
We said that MultiLevel
technology—which
increases the capacity of
optical discs by burning
“pits” in one of eight
shades of gray—was
“ingenious.” And we kept
saying it for years until
we tired of waiting for a
shipping drive.
KENWOOD 72X
CD BURNER
We tested the “bejeezus”
out of ours and were
delighted with the results.
But hordes of recipients of
defective units were less
impressed. (Received a 9 in
May 2000)
THE MILLENNIUM
SURVIVAL KIT—
Answer to Y2K’s
most pressing
questions! (JANUARY
2000, naturally
)
“CHROME
TECHNOLOGY
promises media-rich
online CONTENT.”
(JUNE 1998)
The editors regret this
momentary lapse into
marketing crap-speak. It
won’t happen again.
ANY COVERAGE
whatsoever of PC
graphics “hardware”
from a group called
BitBoys.
IBM 75GXP
IBM’s 75GXP hard drive
reigned as a top choice for
power users until drives
began to fail—and then
the drives that replaced
the failed drives failed as
well. Aye! (Received a 9 in
January 2000)
RAZER BOOMSLANG
We gave a thumb’s up
to the Razer Boomslang,
an execrable mouse that
assured you wouldn’t last
more than 15 seconds in
any deathmatch. Man, we
gotta lay off the thermal
paste for a while. (Received
an 8 in March 2000)
we take that back
The biggest regrets from the
GO-L COMPUTERS
(JANUARY 2004)
“Too good to be true?”
That’s what we asked about
the advertised specs of
Go-L Computers’ PCs and
laptops. We got our answer
in November 2004 when
the company folded before
we managed to fi nd a
single credible testimonial
from anyone who actually
succeeded in buying a Go-L
HALF-LIFE 2—
Game
(AUGUST,
MATROX PARHELIA
(JULY 2002)
Triple-monitor “surround”
gaming... It all seemed so
sweet. For a second.
MULTILEVEL CD
TECHNOLOGY
(SEPTEMBER 2001)
We said that MultiLevel
technology—which
increases the capacity of
optical discs by burning
“pits” in one of eight
shades of gray—was
“ingenious.” And we kept
saying it for years until
we tired of waiting for a
shipping drive.
KENWOOD 72X
CD BURNER
We tested the “bejeezus”
out of ours and were
delighted with the results.
But hordes of recipients of
defective units were less
impressed. (Received a 9 in
May 2000)
THE MILLENNIUM
SURVIVAL KIT—
Answer to Y2K’s
most pressing
questions!
(JANUARY
2000,
naturally
)
“CHROME
TECHNOLOGY
promises media-rich
online
CONTENT.”
(JUNE 1998)
The editors regret this
momentary lapse into
marketing crap-speak. It
won’t happen again.
ANY COVERAGE
whatsoever of PC
graphics “hardware”
from a group called
BitBoys.
IBM 75GXP
IBM’s 75GXP hard drive
reigned as a top choice for
power users until drives
began to fail—and then
the drives that replaced
the failed drives failed as
well. Aye! (Received a 9 in
January 2000)
RAZER BOOMSLANG
We gave a thumb’s up
to the Razer Boomslang,
an execrable mouse that
assured you wouldn’t last
more than 15 seconds in
any deathmatch. Man, we
gotta lay off the thermal
paste for a while. (Received
an 8 in March 2000)
we take that back
we take that back
we take that back