User Guide

6
July 2011 • SUDDEN DEATH
THE WILDCATS
THEY’RE NOT JUST A SQUADRON, THEY’RE A SMART VENTURE
by Virgil Beetlebaum
When you hear someone mention the
Wildcats, what do you think?
Do you think of the fact that, for six
years, the Wildcats have provided con-
sistent, professional service to those in
need of armed assistance both locally and
world-wide?
Do you consider the fact that the
Wildcats fly only the finest aircraft, a
squadron of top-flight F-16s, maintained
in perfect condition at considerable
expense, in order to best serve you?
Do you realize that the Wildcats have
an operational success rate of 86%, a full
22% above the Istanbul Mean*?
Do you understand that the confid-
entiality of every job we take on is 100%
guaranteed?
Or, when you hear someone mention
the Wildcats, do you get hung up on the
word “morality”?
Let’s look at the facts:
It’s true that of all the squadrons in
Istanbul, the Wildcats alone have a
reputation for turning down missions
based on moral considerations.
• But that’s not all we’re about! Our pilots
are the most experienced, blood-thirsty,
savage aerial fighters in all of Istanbul!
Just one look at our kill ratios should set
your mind at ease about that. Our
commander, James Stern, has flown
combat missions in over a dozen
operational theatres. In fact, all of our
pilots must have flown campaigns in at
least two theatres before they are
considered for enlistment in the Wildcats.
• We get the job done! Unfortunately,
many of you potential employers are
reluctant to approach us, put off by our
reputation as a “moral” squadron. Please
believe me, you’d be doing yourself a
terrible disservice by passing us by
without a look at our facilities and the
services we offer. No mission is too big, or
too small, and we are always willing to
listen to any business proposition. Don’t
walk away from us, driven by a prejudice
about the kind of missions we might or
might not take. Let us worry about that.
As the Wildcat’s accountant, I assure you
we’ll bend over backwards to find a way to
accept even the dirtiest job!
• We care about you! We Wildcats are so
confident about our ability to fulfill your
mission needs, we have one of the lowest
EL [Extraordinary Losses — Ed.] clauses
of any Turkish squadron! Why should you
pay through the nose if we screw up?
Think of it — no more holding your
breath wondering how many of the hired
help will make it back from a sortie. When
you fly with the Wildcats, you fly with
confidence!
• We need you! Sadly enough, our oper-
ational resources can only benefit you if
you give us a try!
• You’ll be glad you did!
[* Istanbul Mean is based on a questionable
survey commissioned by Mr. Beetlebaum
himself — Editor]
Editor’s Note: Although this piece was originally slated as an overview of how the Wildcat
Squadron operates, Mr. Beetlebaum insisted on writing the article himself. SUDDEN DEATH
agreed to this stipulation in exchange for his help in coordinating interviews with the various
members of the squadron, background information, base passes and so forth. It is my opinion,
however, that Mr. Beetlebaum has turned this supposedly objective article into a shameless
plug for his squadron. For a more dispassionate view of the Wildcats, please see the article “Sell
and Scramble — A Typical Wildcat Operation” elsewhere in this issue.]